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Tips on How to Manage Yelling at Your Child

 
 
Anti Yelling Tips
 

Try a little humor. Think of the funniest thing you can imagine and begin to laugh hysterically. You will be amazed how your urge to yell is dissipated.

 

Sing. Even though you really want to begin screaming, start singing, and choose a song that really annoys your child. Sing it as loud as you can emphasizing the words you know your kid hates.

 

Try the Claire Huxtable Method: Start counting while taking deep breaths and tapping your fingers on the counter or your feet on the floor. As the numbers get higher, you place more emphasis on them and get louder.

 

Get a little fresh air. If you have little ones, make sure they are visible from your porch or screen door and are safe before leaving a room. Step outside and take several deep breaths. This will give you an opportunity to clear your mind, take a well needed break and rethink the current situation and how you will respond.

 

If you can't beat them, join in. When my daugher was 4 yrs old she threw a tantrum in the local Target because I wouldn't buy her a toy. I proceeded to fling my arms around in the air, fall to the floor and join her in screaming and crying like a baby. She quickly got to her feet and BEGGED me to stop. Other moms around me began to applaud, but my husband was no where to be found.

 

Talk in a soft, quiet voice. As you feel yourself getting angrier, begin to talk through your teeth and slowly lower your voice. This will cause your child to come closer and really pay attention to what you are saying.

 

Invoke a 3 strike rule: The first strike is informing the child of what they have done wrong and what needs to be done for correction. The second strike is to confirm that they understand what you are requesting and the need for action. The third strike carries a consequence that you clearly state and MUST implement if what you have asked is not done. Example: If you don't clean your room, you will not go to the birthday party.

 

Get up close and personal. If you are ready to yell and your child is not listening, get really close to them, place your forehead on theirs with your hands on their shoulders, look them dead in the eye and without screaming, tell them what you have to say.

 

Take a little "me" time. When you have had just about all you can take and there is another adult in the house or the child is old enough to be left alone for a few minutes, grab the car keys, a snack and go sit in the car with the doors locked and the radio tuned to your favorite station. Enjoy the break and clear your head, works every time!

 

Create and Anti-Yelling Jar. Sit down with your child(ren) and come up with an amount that is reasonable for the parents and children to contribute every time someone yells. For example, if a parent yells, you may contribute a quarter and if a child yells he/she may contribute a dime. At the end of the month, count your contributions, keep a tally and deposit in a savings account. As the months go by and the money gets less, celebrate with a movie night or dinner at your favorite family restaurant.

 

Have a daily reminder-- Put a note on the bathroom mirror or refrigerator reminding you not to yell. It won't always be easy, but it will be a nice reminder to think before you speak or yell!

 

 

How do you feel about yelling at children?

When I was growing up yelling was a regular occurrence. Whether it was by our mom, grandmother, aunts, uncles, neighbors or other extended members of the family, it was simply a part of who we were and I never really thought much about it….until I had my own children. It became very evident to me just how much I was yelling when my daughter, three years old at the time, was playing in her room. She had neatly lined up her dollies and stuffed animals on her bed and was having a tea party. As I stood off to the side in the doorway of her bedroom, I began to smile at how nicely she was setting up for her party and how adorable she looked, just like the picture of the children you see playing in the Pottery Barn or Restoration Hardware magazines for kids. Just as I began rubbing my pregnant belly and thinking what a great big sister she is going to be, I heard her belt out in a tone all too familiar, “Teddy stop being naughty or you’re going to get time out! DOLLLYYYY don’t touch that cup it’s very hot and you could get burned.” While the discipline of the guests at the tea party lasted only a few seconds, the weight of the tone in my daughter’s voice kept replaying in my mind for days after.

Not too long after that incident I gave birth to my son. Seeing the two of my children together and remembering the scene from my daughter’s room, I made a silent promise that I would minimize and ultimately eliminate the amount of yelling in my home. While I was successful in having a more calm tone in my daily conversations with my husband and children, when it came to them misbehaving (my children, not my husband although he misbehaved at times as well) or my response to their naughty actions, yelling was ultimately my initial response (along with the wagging forefinger and squinted eyes).

By the time my daughter was six and my son was three, they had developed the typical brother and sister love-dislike relationship. When they were getting along it usually meant that some mischievous behavior was going to ensue as was historically the case so it was no surprise one afternoon when my husband and I heard a loud crash in our dining room. As I raced down the stairs and my husband leaped from the couch, our first thoughts were with regard to the safety of the kids. As the fear dissipated and the realization set in that both children were ok, my focus shifted to the cause of the loud crash. The full picture was now laid out in front of me; my three year old son had been pulling feverishly on a jacket placed on a hook that was suspended beneath a curio that held a collection of glass, wooden and brass elephants (Yes, I am a proud member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc.). When he realized that he was too short to get his jacket on his own, he enlisted the assistance of his older sister who proceeded to give the coat a good ole fashion YANK…the rest is history.

Well, the look on my face must have implied that I was going to win the World Championship Yelling Award because my six year old daughter had tears in her eyes and my three year old son was using his older sister as a shield, peeking out just enough so that I could see the white of his little eyes. Before I could even open my mouth to belt out the first of what would have inevitably been a series of very loud words strewn together in typical mommy lingo, my daughter looked up at me and apologetically said, “Mommy, Please Don’t Yell at We…”(Yes, this is the inspiration and title of my new book) my son then chimed in with, “…her didn’t mean to do it”. Something about those words stuck with me and even though I haven’t mastered the art of not yelling at all, I no longer yell all the time. I’ve learned what situations trigger the yelling and by recognizing when those situations arise, I am able to do what I try to teach my children every day and that is to have SELF CONTROL!

So, this blog is an opportunity for you to share your thoughts and experiences on yelling and the impact it had on you as a child, your children and/or children you know. Some of your comments and stories will be shared in upcoming workshops and seminars where I will be speaking about my book and the impact of yelling at our children. Click HERE to take the two question poll and to visit the live blog.